Issue: living in open space with those who don't want to - esp. parents

Convenor: Marei

Participants: Marei, Gerard, Francis, Helene, Niels, Nuran, Mikk, Gabriele

Summary of the meeting:

PART 1 - STARTING ALONE When we understand os as a way of living this changes our lifes and our relationsships. Old friends may not want to go this way with us and we may have to let go - to accept that its over. Depending on how important this relationship is to us this may be very hard to do. And!: How do I know if it is over or if there still can be done sth. for it?

There is no objective answer for over or not over - it is only me defining this point. So I don't have to be afraid to miss the 'right' moment, to stick to long to sth. - because when I do, it is not over yet. The only thing and the best thing to do for a relationship is to open the space - for me and for the others. To show what I care for and to really! accept their caring for sth. else - even if this seems to me like caring for nothing.


Who are the most difficult persons to deal with? Me, myself and I.

What are the main difficulties with others, not wanting to live in os? My trying to convince them instead of following the law of the two feet and leave when I feel like.

Why do I want to convince them? For not to loose them and for their beeing happier in life and our being happy together.

Why doesn't it work this convincing thing? You can't convince people to be happy!

It is all about respecting and being respected. Respecting others is to show who you really are - and then to see what will come out of that. Nobody can stand not to be respected, not me wanting to live an 'open-space-life' and not others, following their way.

With parents sometimes it is really difficult to accept when I do not feel accepted. But parents too have needs - and if they cannot give, it means that they have not received. People cannot give what they don't have.

How to deal with someone doing sth. to me that I don't like? If someone does want I don't like, it is MY problem. What I feel about it is mine. How I react is mine.

How can I make it easier for me to deal with? For example by asking myself the following question: If that person had a good reason for what he or she is doing - what would that be? And: Starting the dialogue with them: When was the time, they experienced the principles of the law? How did they feel then? This might open the understanding.

It is important to understand the families patterns to be able to decide what I want to pass to the next generation. And I can only see the pattern, if I stop judging. Here the third principle can help: To accept that what happened is the only thing that could have.

How to accept pain? We can only feel happiness if we feel pain too. You can only see the light, when there is darkness, too. In Estonia pain and light is the same word - showing that pains lights up things.

(Family) patterns are made by telling stories. We can decide to tell stories in an new way.

Four out of the ten rules to be a human: - You have been given a body. - You are going to live with it for your entire life. - You are going to learn lessons. - Lessons not learned are repeated.

Follow up:

Online Comments:

I've been doing some stuff recently with Byron Katie's "The Work" which you can read about at Lots to ruminate on there.

Passion bounded by responsibility is how ANYTHING happens in the world. Two feet will carry me where I need to go and the challenge is shedding myself of "shoulds". I introduce Open Space and especially the second principle with the idea that letting go of outsomes is also about letting go of "shoulds."

Stress is when my stories of the world don't square up with reality. When that happens, I better get in line with reality because arguing with reality is generally called "insanity." So the work is to let go of the "shoulds." And that is as true for me as it is for every group I have ever worked with, in OST or otherwise. -- ChrisCorrigan

This letting go of shoulds and the first notion posted above about shifting relations with those who prefer not to live in os or let go of shoulds... touching a deep place in me, epicenter of mind, where my reality gets created. seems necessary to continue to expand capacity to understand connection, so that we can keep shedding apparent/relative connections without losing sight of absolute connection, wholeness, oneness. thanks! --MichaelHerman